Rukhsana 'n' I

 

Thatz the view, the view right outside my window - breathtaking and beautiful! One, which I’ve traced every single day for the last couple of weeks. Woken up in sheer excitement just to see how pretty the sight looked today. Woken up in oblivion to the rest of the world ……and wondered - just leave me this sight to observe, these leaves to stare at, those patterns on the ground to gaze, those branches to marvel at - and take away the rest of the world......I won’t care less!

Have you ever experienced fall? No, not just seen it….but felt it? Have u ever touched the enigma that surrounds it.......or heard the story which belongs to it? The story of a lifetime......have you?

As autumn went by, my days went on and on - and that tree right outside my window became my tea buddy…..I called her Rukhsana. She told me a beautiful story, her story and I just listened to her - in awe, in deep admiration and in a childish wonder. She told me of the breeze which played music on her leaves, each day, every single day. Of the breeze which intoxicated the leaves, her leaves - some a vibrant red, some a subtle yellow, some a vivid orange and the rest green - a lush green. It was amazing, their play, their love – their zeal for life! I would return to her arms in the evening - each day, day after day- just to hear ‘em all, hear ‘em play some soul stirring music. And I wondered to myself if music was a sufficient gift?

I recalled having read somewhere- it is enough, it is to be blessed enough, to live from day to day and to hear such music – not too much, or the soul could not sustain it from time to time. Wasn’t it true? Isn’t it true……

And then, as soon as it began, it ended. I came home one fine day, to be greeted by a killing silence in my backyard. I rushed to the window, and there she was - lying almost bare! My buddy, my Rukhsana. I was too afraid to ask….so, I went closer and shook her. She answered - in pain. She told me of what happened last night. Told me how the breeze that she had confided in all along - that gentle, innocent breeze, who would come to her steps for her warmth, her affection, her frivolousness, her undying love - the same old breeze that sneaked its way up from familiarity to intimacy -turned into a gust of wind last night - and separated her soul from her body, her soul, her leaves - and whisked ‘em away. Not all, but most - does it even matter, how many? Each one of them had veins leading to her heart......

Ah! Intimacy….how could you have trusted this beast, Rukh......this beast which knows not its own form…..is the cause of the lubdub of ur heart one day.....and becomes your deepest fear the next day……how….

Days went by-and Rukhsana could not bear the memory of the lost ones any more. She began to go weak in her knees and could not hold the weight of rest of the leaves too. So, she began shedding them all, one by one, like unwanted memories - and I could do nothing but watch, with numbness - her pain, her heart - bleeding!

How could you do it, Rukh….no don’t…stop….how could you say goodbye to something which was a part of your existence once?

Was it something which had been eluding me too for a while? How - how could I? How could I say goodbye to something which was a part of my life once? How could I push behind memories, faces, places, people and move on? Tell me how? Was Rukh the mirror image of a part of my life - or I of hers? I didn't know and I didn't care. I just wanted to see her smile again!

All I could do now was wait - wait till time heals her, wait till time heals me - wait, till the next spring!