The object of my affection

It was an unusually quiet Sunday. G was not at home. I was pacing up and down the whole length of the living room thinking about what to do. Random thoughts crossed my mind - could I go watch a movie?? Or read a book.....or make the numerous phone calls I’ve been avoiding since an eternity?

Nothing seemed to fit my world right at this moment.....something about the calm Sunday evening told me to just lie still and watch the day go by. So, I decided to yield to my heart’s temptations - put on some nice old ghazals in the cd player, pulled up a chair and just let it all sink......my worries, my desires, my passions and my pains! The music filled the air with 'Tum itna jo musukura rahe ho' – one of my old time favourites. It belonged to the genre of songs that I thought were so truly beautiful and poignant at the same time.

I was just trying to drown myself in the magic of the moment, when I noticed her - standing alone, away from 'em all - looking innocent, yet absolutely gorgeous . She was bending slightly to the side, as if bowing to her own naked beauty. She was one of the bunch of three roses that I got G for her birthday yesterday. I wondered why I hadn’t paid a closer attention to this little piece of life brimming in my home earlier. I shifted a little in my chair, and rotated the vase to the right- to get a better peek into her world.






It was then, that I saw the impeccable grey shadow on the wall behind.....For some strange reason, it made me feel a little uneasy. It was as if I had seen more than I was supposed to. Was her world such a somber grey, behind that beautiful white? For an instance, I thought, I caught a glimpse of hurt behind that innocent smile.....a tinge of pain, beneath that subtle veil.....

I rang up A and showed him the pics. A few quick seconds of file transfer was all that was needed to share them all.

‘So, what do you think?’, I asked him

‘It’s nice, I like those small white flowers behind the leaves’

‘Oh, is that all?’

‘No, where were you standing when you took the pic’?

What has that got to do with anything, I wondered.‘Right next to the Café Terrace’, I said, a little annoyed.

‘Oh,ok! So, is this the rose on the left?’

‘No, it’s the one on the right’, I replied, more annoyed than earlier and wondering what he was up to.



...The trio - original.....


‘That’s not possible, you just showed me the pic of the whole bunch and the right flower doesn’t seem to fit in’

I looked at the pics again. ‘Oh, I tilted the vase a little to get a better view, so yes u're right - it's the left one in the pic ’!!!

‘Oh, I see....'

He had a keen eye for sure but I thought he was missing the whole point.

A long silence followed before he commented again.......

‘And what’s wrong with the third pic, it’s showing a strong variation of colours’



......Solarized....

‘You call it solarized, A’

‘Hmmmm… why don’t you get these pics enlarged, enig! With the rate that you click snaps, you can have your own webshots site by now!!’

Ok, so he really was missing the point, or my mood – or both!

‘I need to go take a shower, A. I’ll catch up with u later’

With that, I hung up the phone abruptly and just took a deep breath. Of late, I had started feeling that A doesn’t really share my passions and didn’t quite understand my penchant for pain.We seldom thought about things in the same way. Did we have to? Maybe not, but weren’t the differences outgrowing the similarities? I was not sure what was disturbing me more - the fact that he often didn’t see what I saw in things, or the fact that he saw what I didn’t –a few distorted colours and some little big nothings. In short, things as they were - and not things as they could be.........

I cast one sidewards glance at the white rose lying in the vase....... she was standing so serene in her own glory - unruffled by the storm brewing inside of me. I went closer and touched her petals. It was absolutely irresistible – the sight of an unblemished white!

....In sepia....

No sooner than the thought crossed my mind- that I smiled. Wasn’t it this that I had liked in A in the first place – his uncompromising simplicity and his absolute lack of pretence! All in all , his tendency to keep things simple and straight. He didn’t wear any masks, and didn’t entangle his life in a hundred different meshes – the way I did. He didn’t look for hidden meanings in things – and was at peace with his own world. I was totally the opposite – I always found unnecessary things to brood over, and was never at ease with my life. I kept looking for pain even in the most unexpected places – and could never balance the strings of my life right…….

The realization was so subtle........yet so true. The rose was still smiling at me from a distance. I didn't want to complicate the truth more than this. I left it right there, in its beauty, and went on to dissolve my thoughts down a warm shower - with a promise to see life-as-it-is and not life-as-it-could-be.........